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thesecretdoorPairing: JunDa
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1684
Disclaimer: I still haven't found a way to make them my slaves yet...
Summary: It was all supposed to end with the tour...but what if they can't stop? What if they won't stop? How will it affect their relationship, and their relationships with those closest to them?
October 11th 2012
“Hi Tatsuya, it’s just me...again. I was just a bit worried since you still haven’t been replying to my mails...or anything...” Taguchi said to Ueda’s voicemail. “I spoke to Koki, and he said he just got back from lunch with Maru...who said he spoke to you earlier today, so I know you’re ok, I just...we haven’t even spoken to each other since we got back...and...” he paused to clear his throat “I guess you’re just busy or something, but I’m free tonight...maybe if you could find the time you could come over or something...I can make some food...or...well, just let me know anyway...bye” and he hung up the phone.
He sighed, something was wrong, it had to be. He’d gotten so used to receiving silly mails from Ueda throughout the day, even when they had seen each other, so not to hear anything at all from him in almost three days...It had to be something to do with their trip, it had been so much fun, and so incredibly perfect, but Ueda’s behaviour had been off since they got back from the boat ride.
As soon as they’d returned to the hotel Ueda had showered and readied himself for bed with barely a word, but when after he’d got ready for bed himself, he found Ueda curled up in his bed, waiting for him, he thought Ueda really must have just been tired.
The next morning Ueda had still been rather quiet, but it didn’t feel so strange between them, and after a hearty meal they returned to the airport to head home. Taguchi dropped Ueda back off at his own apartment then headed home but other than a mail saying thank you for the vacation, he’d heard nothing more from Ueda.
The next day he’d tried to call the other man, but there’d been no answer, he knew Ueda was back working with the variety show already so he just tried again later, but there was still no answer.
He’d then spent the next two days calling or mailing whenever he got chance between work but he still heard nothing from Ueda. Once he’d even driven way out of his way to pass Ueda’s apartment, when he noticed the lights were on he tried calling again but there was still no answer and he felt it would be weird to just let himself in when Ueda may or may not be avoiding him.
He sighed to himself, that must be it, he’d spoken to the other members and they’d seen or at least spoken to Ueda over the past few days, it seemed Ueda even told Koki all about their vacation, though he did leave out the x-rated parts. So why wouldn’t Ueda reply to him? He knew it was only a matter of time though, the whole group had choreography rehearsals the next morning, Ueda couldn’t avoid him there.
He was surprised when his phone beeped just a few minutes later. His heart fluttered a moment when Ueda’s name flashed across the screen, it was a message from the other man ‘I have some things to do after work, I could come by after nine though, if you want me too?’
Taguchi quickly replied that he would be really happy if he came by. There was no other response from Ueda, but at least he’d agreed to see him later that night. Taguchi smiled to himself, but he was glad he had work today, nine seemed an unbearably long time away.
It was closer to half nine when he heard the door open, he abandoned his DS and rushed to the door. “Tatsuya” he smiled, surprising even himself with how much relief there was in his tone.
Ueda’s face lit up too and Taguchi quickly wrapped his arms around him, relieved almost to tears when Ueda’s arms came up around his back, squeezing him just as tightly.
“Sorry I’m late...my car conked out earlier, and I had to take it the garage but they say they need to order parts...or something...” Ueda said as he pulled slowly away.
Taguchi shook his head dismissively, smile still wide “That’s ok, you’re here now. I’ve been so worried...you weren’t replying to...” he noticed the smile slide slowly from Ueda’s face and he stopped, not wanting to ruin the mood further. “Anyway, I’ll finish the food...I didn’t want to start the noodles until you got here or they’d just turn to mush.”
Ueda nodded “Thank you” and he took off his coat and shoes before going to sit down at the kotatsu.
Taguchi finished preparing the food, it was just a simple stir-fry but he’d made it quite a few times and he knew Ueda really liked it, and he was pretty confident that he’d mastered getting the right ratio of spices for Ueda’s tastes. He set it down on the kotatsu and sat down to join the other man.
He was a little unnerved to see that quiet, thoughtful expression back on Ueda’s face, but he tried to make conversation all the same, asking about Ueda’s activities the past few days, upcoming projects...safe topics, but it seemed he was trying in vain as Ueda’s responses were short and closed.
His stomach was doing strange flips, and his heart was beating a little too fast in his unease, something was definitely still wrong.
“Is there...is it not good?” Taguchi asked, nodding towards Ueda’s plate, he’d barely eaten anything and had instead been just absent-mindedly pushing it around his plate with it with his chopsticks.
Ueda seemed to realise what he was doing and set his chopsticks down, pushing the plate away a little. “Sorry, it’s good...I’m just not hungry” his eyes moved up locking with Taguchi’s for the first time “I’m sorry”
“It’s ok...” Taguchi replied though he knew it wasn’t. It wasn’t about the food, it was about everything, Ueda’s behaviour was just strange, and he didn’t like it, he didn’t know what it meant but he knew it wasn’t good and part of him was terrified.
He cleared away the plates and came into the living room, he found Ueda standing, looking out of place and almost like he didn’t know what to do with himself. Something inside him snapped.
“What? What’s going on with you Tatsuya...you’ve been acting really strange ever since that night on the boat...and frankly you’re scaring the shit out of me...just...just talk to me...”
Ueda’s eyes were wide with surprise “I’m sorry...”
“You don’t need to apologise baby, I don’t need that, I need an explanation...did I do something wrong?”
Ueda shook his head furiously “It’s not that, I promise, please...I just don’t want to talk about it right now...”
“Then when? Are you just going to go back to ignoring me until you feel like letting me in...?”
He could see Ueda was getting upset but he couldn’t back down, he needed things to be ok between them.
“Don’t Junno...please don’t make this harder...” tears were building up in the corners of his eyes “don’t make me say it...”
Taguchi’s head was pounding with the adrenaline, he was scared and confused and he knew this must be worse than he’d imagined but he couldn’t stop, if he didn’t do this now he would never have the courage to push Ueda to this again. “You think this isn’t hard on me too? At least you know what’s going on...you won’t tell me anything!”
Ueda was shaking his head “I can’t” he looked up then, eyes locking with Taguchi’s “Junno...I can’t keep doing this anymore...”
His heart stopped, he could almost feel all the heat being drained from his body, leaving nothing but confusion and numbness. “Can’t keep doing what?”
“Us! This!” Ueda snapped as he motioned between them with his hand, his voice was too high, to stretched out. “Being with you like this...and pretending I’m not in love with you.”
Taguchi was surprised, but the words came easily “I love you too”. They were the words he’d been hiding from for so long, the thoughts he kept pushing away, telling himself it wasn’t true, he just cared deeply for the other man, nothing more. But when they left his lips he was in no doubt, he’d never meant anything as much as he meant those words.
He rushed to embrace Ueda as the older man hung his head, tears falling now. “Junno...we said this wouldn’t happen”
He rubbed soothingly at his back “We didn’t mean for it to happen...
“We should have just stopped after the tour...” Ueda protested, voice thick.
“But then we would have missed out on so much...I don’t regret any of it...I’ve loved so much of our time together, and if that means I love you too, then so be it.”
“But Junno, you understand right...we can’t be together if it’s like this...”
His heart sunk, of course he knew it, and he figured that must be the reason he’d been denying his feelings for so long, because he didn’t want to lose what they had. He laughed bitterly but it was something short and humourless “This isn’t how it’s supposed to work...in the fairytales they fall in love and live happily ever after.”
Ueda pulled back to look into Taguchi’s eyes “Junno, this isn’t a fairy tale...”
He could feel it coming, the moment when they parted, and his heart began to tighten, his chest cold and empty and he felt hot tears trickle down his face before he even knew they were there. “Can’t we pretend...” he saw the pity in Ueda’s eyes and he tried to hold back a sob as he continued. “Baby please...even if it’s just for tonight?”
Ueda gulped, trying to hold back his own tears “Junno...”
He felt agony tear through him at the thought of Ueda walking out of the door without him, it crumpled him to his knees and he grasped onto Ueda’s legs to keep him grounded “Tatsuya please...”
“Just for tonight then...like Cinderella or something, we can have our fairytale magic. Just for tonight, we’re allowed to love each other...”
Chapter 24 (final)
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*runs and hides*
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no subject
Date: 2012-06-30 09:08 am (UTC)Oh no...I see lots of chapters where they will suffer *cries*
Please don't let this happen...just pleeeaaase.
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Date: 2012-06-30 06:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-30 06:34 pm (UTC)But yeah...somehow I will handle it...
*sighs*
*prepares lots and lots of tissues*
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Date: 2012-06-30 07:14 pm (UTC)I hope it will all be worth it in the end though, if that gives you any encouragement...
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Date: 2012-06-30 08:01 pm (UTC)Yeah of course...I will survive it somehow >___<
If there is a extra portion fluff in the end ;-)
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Date: 2012-06-30 09:16 am (UTC)Finally they admitted therir feelings for each other, but it's so sad... I kneeeeeeeew it! It'll be over! T^T
But technically they just agreed on stopping if one of them falls in love and not both...
I have the feeling the final chapter will be the most heart-breaking! :(
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Date: 2012-06-30 06:32 pm (UTC)Indeed the next chapter might be a bit sad too :(
And there'll be lots of angst in the next part, but that's ok right? You like angst... *hopes one person at least will like the next part*
Thank you for reading and for your comment :)
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Date: 2012-06-30 06:44 pm (UTC)No, I'm not mean, not at all! Just a bit S...no subject
Date: 2012-06-30 07:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-30 09:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-30 06:36 pm (UTC)And yes, finally the confessions - about time right?! I'm glad it lived up to your expectations :)
Thank you for reading :D
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Date: 2012-06-30 10:50 am (UTC)hehe amazing as always
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Date: 2012-06-30 06:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-30 11:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-30 06:53 pm (UTC)Things will get a little sad for while but I hope you'll be able to stick with me...
Thank you for reading :D
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Date: 2012-06-30 02:36 pm (UTC)Gawd! I knew this was coming!!! But I was hoping they would skip this part and just follow Junno's fairytale.. Hm? No?
I guess you just loooove the angst and I predict there'll be lots of it in part 3. ;)
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Date: 2012-06-30 06:55 pm (UTC)I'm sorry...I do love angst though, I hope you'll stick with me for part 3, it will be pretty darn angsty for a while but hopefully it will all be worth it in the end :)
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Date: 2012-06-30 03:18 pm (UTC)hmmm, and yeah, the expected has finally happened.
I'm at least happy they know that they love each other and have confessed to it without further denial and drama.
I want to believe that their 'fairytale' just started... as in they'll need to suffer and fight a bit for the love they have for each other... if they really want to keep it.
After all, Cinderella had it pretty hard... so did the prince... until the fairy godmother intervened....
The next chapter should be interesting... I look forward to their 'ballroom' night XD
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Date: 2012-06-30 07:00 pm (UTC)I'm glad you liked the confessions at least...it was way overdue right? >_<
And things will be tough for them from here...there will be quite a lot of angst in part 3, but fear not, between you and me...there is a fairy godmother somewhere along the way XD
Thank you for reading dear :)
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Date: 2012-06-30 05:18 pm (UTC)But then again it's all realistic and that's what I love the most of this fic. I'm glad they finally admitted their feelings and this is just the beginning of their struggle isn't it?
The thing is now I can't stop picturing Junno grovelling at Ueda's feet and the both of them looking so broken (sorry I can't help it, images like that somehow stick to me >.<)
Aah but I predict a good dramatic final for part 2...whether it'll be happy or sad right now I can't even tell but either way I want to know what happens next >.<
Thanks for the update! *huggles*
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Date: 2012-06-30 07:08 pm (UTC)You're so sweet :) I have been trying to keep things realistic, and yeah...there will struggles ahead, but...realistically they couldn't just call it quits like this right? >_<
I know what you mean about images sticking, tbh it was that very image you mentioned that made me want to write this in the first place >_< the little break up scene was where I started and I padded everything else out from there, so that image is a pretty intense one for me!
I hope you won't be disappointed by the part 2 finale, but there is part 3 coming along nicely...so maybe you'll be able to look forward to that?
Thanks for reading :) And for your lovely comment too *huggles*
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Date: 2012-06-30 07:13 pm (UTC)I think quite a lot of people saw this coming a little way off, but I'm glad that it still had an affect on you though :) (sorry...I guess I'm a bit of an S)
They both kind of had a little freak out, but I figured it was more like Ueda to be the one to freak out most, since he was the one that struggled so much with boundaries and stuff in the beginning.
Thank you for commenting :)
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Date: 2012-07-01 03:48 am (UTC)Just... don't kill any of them off like you did in your other fict okay? *sniffles*
yeah I read it but I was too askjfdghfkajkl sad to leave a comment, boohoono subject
Date: 2012-07-01 09:11 am (UTC)There will be some angsty struggles to come for these two, but I'm not too mean as to make it ALL angst :)
Thank you for reading!
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Date: 2012-07-01 07:41 pm (UTC)YOU BETTER UPDATE SOON MISSY!!
*keeps refeshing fp till the new update.*
thanks!!
See ya on the next chapter <3
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Date: 2012-07-01 08:15 pm (UTC)