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thesecretdoorPairing: JunDa
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2643
Disclaimer: All people mentioned belong only to themselves...aside from JunDa who clearly belong to each other.
Summary: In the fairy tales they fall in love and live happily ever after...but this isn't a fairy tale. How are two people, madly in love, supposed to stay away from each other?
February 14th 2013
He’d stuck to his promise, it had been weeks and things had been much better for the group. Their activities both as a group and individually had increased, and he was preparing for his new drama that would begin filming in a few weeks time.
Taguchi was still madly in love with Ueda, but since Ueda was already filming for his own drama, the time they spent together was much less than usual, making it easier not to be tempted by the other man.
On the occasions they were together with the group, things were hectic, with so much work to do and so many scheduling conflicts, they had to put all their effort into their work whenever they got the chance. It was as though they didn’t even have time to be anything other than band mates, they were too distracted with work to remember that things had once been better between them.
Taguchi suspected that, to an outsider, their relationship looked completely natural, like there was no tension between them at all, and he would believe it himself if it weren’t for those occasional glances, the lingering stares and the way that Ueda would return his smiles, always a little weak with his eyes downcast. If it weren’t for the gold ring that never left Ueda’s finger.
Things were a little harder the closer Valentine’s Day drew. With the aura of love in the air, sweet with hope and excitement for new relationships, and with the near constant bombardment with questions of love in Magazine Interviews, it was hard not to think of the love he had once had.
“Do you believe in true love?” the presenter asked and Taguchi momentarily held his breath. He was sitting home alone, eating cereal while watching the cast of Ueda’s drama do a live interview on some breakfast show. He was there with two other male co-stars, and the sexy female co-star, the dark horse of the show.
He released his breath with Ueda’s enthusiastic reply of “Of course, there has to be someone out there for everyone right? Being alone is so sad” it seemed like the right answer, the presenter nodded and smiled moving onto the rest of the cast.
He zoned out for a moment but his attention was grabbed again when they all started laughing, the girl was blushing about something or other.
“It’s true” one of the other men spoke up. “She greeted us all this morning in the dressing room and gave chocolates to each of us...I don’t know if she intended for us to see or not, but I noticed that Ueda-kun’s box was a little bigger than ours” his eyes widened and the camera panned back over to Ueda, his face was calm though a little red as he muttered ‘thank yous’ and other things about being flattered.
He felt strangely angry, and he huffed in annoyance as the camera panned back to the girl next, very bright in the face and giggly, just in time for comments about how the drama was meant to be action not romance.
He switched the TV off, it made him feel sick with how coy and girly she was acting, stupid slut. Ueda had mentioned her a few times in passing but from what he’d just seen it looked as though things were much more comfortable than he’d been letting on.
He stood up, feeling restless, so what if this girl had a crush on Ueda...it didn’t look as though Ueda really did feel the same about her. He nodded to himself in agreement, besides he knew Ueda, better than most people and he definitely knew what Ueda was like when he was in love, and that was not it.
He was thankful he had some kind of work that day, anything to distract him, but it was just a short solo photoshoot for his drama promotion, it came and went quickly and then he found himself at home, alone again, dwelling on that interview.
He wondered briefly whether he should have sent chocolates, he wasn’t a girl, but Ueda was a boy so White Day wouldn’t be any better, but then he shook his head, what was he even thinking? The idea of it was ridiculous, they were supposed to be staying away from each other...
His thought process was interrupted by his phone ringing, he looked at the screen and his heart gave a strong thump as he saw who it was, Ueda. He picked it up cautiously “Hello?” but when there was no answer he spoke again “Tatsuya?”
He thought he could hear something and he strained his ears to listen hard, a sniff maybe, and shaky breath, then a slightly louder clatter. There were a few more moments of silence and then the sound of a piano, just a single note. There was another brief pause, another sniff and then the piano started again, continuing this time into a song.
He knew what it was right away, what it meant, and before he could think anything else he felt tears splashing down onto his hands. As the chorus kicked in the music slowed just slightly, the keys touched softer in the way they were when Ueda’s hands shook, and then he heard that quiet sniff again.
Fuck it. He could think nothing else as he grabbed his keys and slipped his shoes on, darting from his apartment.
When he arrived at Ueda’s apartment he let himself in, he found the older man in the music room where he had expected him to be. He was slumped over the piano with his head on his arms, tear marks on his face and his eyes staring glassily into nothing.
“Tatsuya?” he tried tentatively, taking a step closer.
He huffed out a relieved breath when Ueda blinked, pushing himself back up to a sitting position. “You came...”
Taguchi took a few steps closer, and when Ueda shuffled aside a little he sat down on the piano stool beside him. Ueda considered him for a few moments, and then he turned, almost shakily and his hands moved to cover the piano keys, the faint melody of ‘Baby Blue’ again.
“What’s brought this on?” Taguchi asked gently as he reached out to catch Ueda’s hands in his own, he just couldn’t listen to that song again, not in this state, with Ueda right there in the state he was in.
Ueda looked down and his hands dropped to his knees. “She confessed...”
“That girl from the drama?” Taguchi asked though he didn’t really need to.
Ueda nodded “This morning she gave me Valentine’s chocolates, and then after work she asked me to go out to a cafe with her...and then she told me she’d liked me for a long time, before we’d even met...and that since meeting...” he trailed off but he seemed to realise what he’d done and he looked up “I didn’t know how to respond.”
“Well how do you feel about her?” he pushed gently.
“Like she’ll never be you...” he said sadly, but then he cleared his throat almost shyly and continued “I used to think she was really pretty, but ever since you, I just...it’s like I don’t care about anyone else. I can’t imagine ever being with anybody but you.”
He wrapped an arm around Ueda’s shoulders, pulling the smaller man in to lean against him. He could almost feel the cracks forming in his heart as it prepared to shatter, his own loneliness was one thing, but seeing Ueda in this state was killing him.
“I know baby” he rubbed a hand soothingly up and down Ueda’s arm as the smaller man’s frame began to jerk with silent sobs. He turned his head enough to kiss the untidy black mass of Ueda’s hair, and then again just a little to the side of the last kiss.
He felt movement, Ueda’s head angling up, soft eyes turning on him questioningly, Ueda leaning up, closer, anxiously, a last quick lick of his lips and then they were pressing against Taguchi’s. He froze, heart hammering in his chest and his whole body alert with how wrong this was.
Ueda pecked him again, turning further to face him, one knee up on the stool now to press closer with his body. And Ueda’s lips on his again, the rough calloused skin of his hands cupping his cheeks so softly that he couldn’t help a sigh.
When Ueda’s lips met his again his own moved just a little in response, urging Ueda on as the suffocating scent of Ueda all around him pushed all rationality from his mind. The lips pressed harder against his and he was lost, pressing back into it, swiping his tongue out, Ueda’s whimper sending a jolt of excitement to his groin.
He knew where it was headed, how stupid it would be to go there, but he didn’t care, he felt taken over by need to give Ueda everything he could offer. The kiss moved deeper, his own soft moans mixing with Ueda’s whimpers as their hands began wandering, taking each other in as though it was the first time they’d touched.
Before he’d even realised it, Ueda was reaching for his trousers, opening them up and palming the hard flesh there through his boxers. He groaned, how long had he been waiting?
But the hand vanished too quickly, drawing away to Ueda’s own trousers and he opened them, before standing up to push both trousers and underwear to the floor. He stepped out of them and closer to Taguchi, eyes searching his constantly for reassurance before they closed and their lips met once more.
Taguchi closed his own eyes, savouring the sweetness of the kiss, but he could feel Ueda’s body moving again and he opened his eyes just as Ueda climbed onto him, straddling his lap. He took a deep breath as Ueda pulled back, hands moving to his boxers again to take out his erection.
Ueda slid forward a little on his lap, grasping their erections together in one hand and rubbing slowly as he leaned in to be kissed again.
Taguchi felt like he was on fire, all heat draining into his groin as he fisted his hand into Ueda’s shirt, trying to keep a grasp on his sanity, and then just as suddenly the friction was gone.
He cried out in frustration, hips bucking involuntarily for stimulation, but Ueda just kissed him, kissed the noises he was making into submission before sitting back, keeping his eyes locked on Taguchi’s as he spat into his hand.
Taguchi groaned, just the sight of it, the knowledge of what it meant and he felt almost crazy with desire. His eyes clenched as the hand wrapped around him, not trying to pleasure him, but he still had to bite down on his lip to hold himself back.
Slowly, Ueda pushed himself up, positioning Taguchi’s erection before sliding even more slowly back down. The pain on Ueda’s face made Taguchi feel somewhat sober again and he rubbed his hands across Ueda’s back soothingly until the older man was fully seated in his lap again.
Ueda’s breathing was harsh and ragged, and a mix of pity and love drove Taguchi’s lust to something else, something deeper, like desire and desperation, and a burning need that made his heart throb. He pulled Ueda close to his chest, holding him almost suffocatingly tight and before he knew they were coming, hot tears splashed down his cheeks and onto Ueda’s shirt.
Ueda started moving, rocking his hips slowly against Taguchi’s but it was clear that the shaky breaths weren’t driven by pleasure, Ueda was crying too.
It was strange, the whole situation seemed ridiculous, to be so broken and raw and to still want sex, but even as the heat began pooling he knew he didn’t even really want sex, it wasn’t about lust at all. He just needed Ueda, needed him with every cell in his body, so badly that he couldn’t say it, that screaming would not do it justice. It hurt unbearably and the only way he could think to express how badly he needed the other man was this, it was the only way to find comfort from the pressure in his chest, to force it downwards and out in orgasmic release.
His fists clenched tightly into Ueda’s shirt as he pushed back against Ueda’s hips, grunting sobs in between kisses into the older man’s throat. “I love you” he choked out “Baby, I love you so much”
Ueda didn’t answer, he just pressed his lips hard into Taguchi’s flesh, first in that spot just below his ear, then further round, across his jaw and cheek, until finally reaching his lips. They kept their lips locked, Ueda half moaning, and half wailing into his mouth with each thrust despite the tears still streaming down.
After an immeasurable length of time, Taguchi knew his climax was approaching, he could feel the heat trembling in his limbs and he unclenched one hand to bring it between them, but Ueda shook his head.
“Just kiss me” he pleaded, and then as Taguchi complied, pushing his tongue into Ueda’s mouth, he moaned “Don’t stop kissing me...”
Taguchi continued, his free hand moving instead to Ueda’s short hair, grasping onto it like a lifeline as he held Ueda’s head close to his, panting between ferocious kisses, all tongue and teeth and sharp high moans, until Ueda cried out, his whole body shuddering in Taguchi’s lap.
He released his grip in the soft locks, sliding his hand back down to rub soothingly up and down his back as Ueda continued to shake, harsh gasps voiced against his lips. He thrust his hips just a few more times before stilling, his release taking over him, washing the pain and hurt temporarily from his body, leaving his mind blissfully blank.
Eventually, Ueda’s quiet gasps brought him back to reality, and he turned his face to the side, kissing gently across his cheek once more until their lips met in the most tender of brushes.
Without a word he stood up, lifting Ueda with him and hoisting him enough to slide out of him, before pulling him close in embrace. He moved through the familiar rooms, carrying Ueda to his bedroom where he pulled back the covers before lowering him down and peeling off the sticky shirt to wipe the remnants of their passion from his still trembling body.
He leant down to kiss Ueda’s forehead before tucking back a loose strand of hair from in front of face, and then he pulled the covers up and turned to leave.
He made it almost to the door when a quiet sob stopped him, he turned back to the bed to see Ueda holding out a hand “Junno...please stay with me...”
He couldn’t refuse that, and so he crept back over, stripping out of his own clothes before sliding under the covers beside Ueda, pulling him close. It was what they both needed, though he was scared about what this closeness might cost them. He had been doing well since Christmas, he knew he was still in love with Ueda, but they both seemed to be doing better, maybe not quite moving on, but coping at least.
His heart was hammering in fear, fear of what he was feeling, of what Ueda might be thinking, of how much it would hurt them both when he had to leave the next morning. He wondered briefly if he was even doing the right thing by staying tonight, would it be easier on them both if he left now, but Ueda’s gentle voice shattered any thought he had of actually leaving.
“Junno” he whispered, snuggling deeper into Taguchi’s embrace “Never let me go.”
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Again...sorry about the time jump and the mega amount of angst this chapter...at least it's a little longer than usual, right?
Ooh, but points to racanai for guessing correctly that their resolve would last until Valentine's Day
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Date: 2012-08-11 01:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-11 01:23 pm (UTC)Seriously this chapter was so intense that I really don't know what to say about it. Every single time Junno called Ueda baby I sobbed harder and just so you know I've never even cried during sad movies so moving me to insane tears right now is really something T.T
And that...that stupid slut (quoting Junno here) I hope she backs off. I don't know, with the possibility of losing Ueda I hope Junno comes to his senses, I hope they both do. I don't want Ueda with someone else other than Junno I just don't >.<
And there's another emotional comment for you >.< and to think I was so sadistically happy after watching a clip of Ueda's scene from BOTR ep 5 and now I'm sad again...*goes to find Ueda staring at Junno's butt again*
Thank you for the update! T.T
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Date: 2012-08-11 02:46 pm (UTC)I'm so sorry for making you cry so much *hugs*
It certainly does complicate things when other people come into the picture right? But I don't think you need to worry about Ueda...he seemed rather distraught at the idea of being with somebody else...he's definitely all Junno's...it's just left to see what Junno will do now...he knows he's making a big mistake >_<
I haven't seen anything from BOTR 5 other than one picture of him smoking O_O but hopefully someone will upload it soon (I usually watch it raw and then again subbed, cos I just can't wait for the subs to see what's going on)
Anyways, thank you for reading :D Next update will be soon :D
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Date: 2012-08-11 02:53 pm (UTC)whew well I guess I'm a little comforted at that thought, really its painful for them enough as it is, having someone interfere is just... >.<
LOL I flailed so hard at that picture >.< I don't really have anything against smoking (other than its a really unhealthy habit >.<) but really Ueda looks so smexy with it T.T I wonder how he got used to it because as far as I know he's never smoked before right? ._. Also...hehe ep 05 well...there's a part i really like but you might not like it ._. lol I'll be sure to post a reaction to it when I get round to actually watching the episode. I'm still waiting for ep 4 subs but I think I just might watch it raw for now while I wait >.<
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Date: 2012-08-11 03:55 pm (UTC)I was a bit shocked when I saw the pic of him smoking, since I've never heard of him smoking before...do you actually see him smoking it or does he just kind of hold it?
I really hate smoking...I think some people look really cool with a cigarette, but as a habit I think it's definitely disgusting (probably since my mum has always smoked really heavily and when I go to visit I can barely breathe in her house...it smells so bad >_< ) So I can't imagine dating someone who smoked, it's gross to think how bad kisses would taste >_<
I'm being a bit of a hypocrite though, since I did used to smoke for a few years in my early teens...eugh what was I thinking?!
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Date: 2012-08-11 05:24 pm (UTC)Lol well in the actual episode I think for that scene he just takes a puff and puts the ciggy away. There's another scene where he just blows out smoke from his mouth (*cough*inthesmexiestwayever*cough*) but that's it.
XD well I grew up with both my parents smoking (my mom's quit though) so I think I got pretty used to the smell by now I'm not so bothered about it anymore.
For some strange reason I've never had the curiosity to try smoking though (i've had countless dreams of doing it though D=) lol but yeah when it comes to Ueda though it just looks so sexy! >w< But I hope he doesn't get addicted to it >.< he needs to take care of his voice and body it's bad enough that he sleeps late (lol well not really xD)
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Date: 2012-08-12 01:12 pm (UTC)Ok the smoking thing...I've re-watched it I don't know how many times (and in slow motion too) to try and figure out if he's actually smoking it or not but things are kind of leaning towards he is (judging mainly by the amount of time he holds the smoke in and the colour when he exhales). I'm going to keep convincing myself that he doesn't actually smoke though (I can't imagine he would since he's such a health freak) and that he just went to Kame to learn how to smoke for the role >_< *wants to write fic about that now*
When I lived with my mum I didn't even notice the smell so I didn't mind, but now that I've been away for a few years...going back there is kinda gross.
It's good you've never wanted to try it, it's pointless and a waste of money...I only started because all of my friends did and back then I thought it would make me cool >_
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Date: 2012-08-12 01:26 pm (UTC)And xD yup I'm guessing he smoked for real. But true, he's a health freak and he watches what goes into his body. Heck, even Junno mentioned he doesn't even drink actual beer but those girly cocktail drinks right?(then again I'm told some of those drinks have higher alcohol content than beer ._.) But I think he just did it for the sake of the drama role. lol I'd love to see how he coped with learning how to smoke though! >w< He must've been coughing and sputtering the entire time xD (you should totally write a fic about that >w> *cough*ninja in a concerned Junno in there too*cough*) I just hope he doesn't get hooked on it or anything really >.<
Oh yeah I guess it'll be different if you haven't smelt it over time >.< And true, it is a waste of money @.@ I see my dad going to the store almost every day for a pack of cigarettes. But luckily I haven't been tempted so far (that and no one trusts me with a match or a lighter in the first place so I'm safe from that XD)
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Date: 2012-08-11 01:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-11 02:46 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for such a lovely comment as usual *hugs*
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Date: 2012-08-11 03:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-11 03:56 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading :D
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Date: 2012-08-11 04:14 pm (UTC)Thank you for sharing :D
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Date: 2012-08-12 01:14 pm (UTC)Thank you for reading :D
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Date: 2012-08-11 07:16 pm (UTC)but it was inevitable anyway.
It's kinda hard feeling 'happy' that they're cuddling once again when everything is so emotional, so intense, so temporary that your heart can't help but cry out for them.
It makes it sadder that they have no one to talk to about it but themselves, which in itself is also painful.
somewhat comforting... but not really~
oh... this fic... you really can't choose who you fall in love with.
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Date: 2012-08-12 01:16 pm (UTC)And it would probably be easier on them if they could at least talk to one of the others about what they're going through, but since nobody knows they've been slipping :( It's kind of hard to do that.
You certainly can't help who you love right?
Thank you for sticking with me and reading through all this angst, and thank you for your comment too ♥
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Date: 2012-08-11 07:24 pm (UTC)when is happy Junda coming back? i miss them!!!
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Date: 2012-08-12 01:18 pm (UTC)I promise things will get better...I don't want to give away spoilers but I promise, in time...things will work out.
Thank you for reading!
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Date: 2012-08-11 10:08 pm (UTC)I love this chapter, I really do! Tatchan's phone call! T^T Their feelings too intense to ignore makes me so happy although it's so hard for them. Should I feel bad that I take pleasure in their misery?
Tatchan's last sentence is ♥! I wonder if Junno decides to just ignore it because that's reasonable or if he accepts it.
Yay, I get points! How many do I need to collect to get the JunDa commemotative mug? XD
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Date: 2012-08-12 01:22 pm (UTC)I'm really happy you liked all the intense angsty love :D
As for Junno's reaction >_< you'll have to wait and see :P
As for the mug...just a few more points!! Keep up the good work! ;)
Thank you for reading ♥
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Date: 2012-08-12 07:21 pm (UTC)Luckily I'll be able to get access to the internet where I'm staying now so I can check for an update Tuesday evening! ^^
My guess is that something is going to happen on the anniversary of their first time. ^^
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Date: 2012-08-13 09:10 am (UTC)http://tinypic.com/r/1gipf4/6
;) If you keep this up you may even win the plate and T-shirt too >_<
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Date: 2012-08-14 04:40 pm (UTC)Now I want that mug for real! XD
I'll do my best to get the whole collection! ;)
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Date: 2012-08-12 04:02 am (UTC)I really want to type a proper comment but I'm just so overwhelmed right now T___T I'm so sorry about it! But I assure you that I absolutely adore this chapter because it shows how intense their love for one another is. Oh gosh, I think I need more tissues now *sniffles*
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Date: 2012-08-12 01:25 pm (UTC)I always worry I'm getting too angsty on you all with all this intense desperation they have for each other >_< but as long as you like it then that's all that count :D
You may want to invest in another box of tissues or two, but keep those fingers crossed and you never know ;)
Thank you so much for reading and for your lovely comment ♥
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Date: 2012-08-12 11:36 am (UTC)I do love jealous!junno hahhahahahha
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Date: 2012-08-12 01:26 pm (UTC)Thank you for reading though, and for your comment too :D
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Date: 2012-08-12 11:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-12 01:26 pm (UTC)Thank you for your comment ♥