[multichapter] baby blue part 3 chapter 17
Oct. 6th, 2012 08:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thesecretdoorPairing: JunDa
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2062
Disclaimer: All people mentioned belong only to themselves...aside from JunDa who clearly belong to each other.
Summary: In the fairy tales they fall in love and live happily ever after...but this isn't a fairy tale. How are two people, madly in love, supposed to stay away from each other?
14th June 2013
He kept his head down as he walked into the meeting room. They had a one hour meeting before the mini-bus picked them up to take them to the airport, where they would fly out for their concerts in Hokkaido.
“We'll be using the same hotel as last year” their manager announced. “After the mix up last year they've kindly offered us a discounted price on all of your rooms and to provide access to all of the hotel's facilities at no extra charge.”
Great, Ueda thought. That's exactly what he needed right now, to be back in that hotel, to walk past the same paintings, to drink in the same bar, who knows, to walk past that very same room where everything started for them.
He was pretty sure there was a gym at least, maybe if they had punching bags he could distract himself by hitting things in his free time.
There were nods all around the room but nobody commented, and so their manager handed out the concert revisions for them to discuss.
It took less time than it should, not one of them really in their usual constructive moods, and Ueda had a fair idea why though none of them brought it up to him until they arrived at the hotel itself.
“Are you going to be ok?” A voice asked quietly beside him, Koki's. “We can do some muscle training together while we're here, or there's a pool too, we could hang out and exercise and stuff around the concerts?”
He nodded “Thanks, yeah” but he was feeling a little less enthusiastic about it by the time they got inside and were given their room allocations. They had most of the top floor to themselves even with most of the juniors sharing room again, but somehow Ueda knew it would turn out the way it did, and biting back a sigh he took the room card and followed the others up to put away their things.
Taguchi was the only other member to give any kind of reaction as he walked along the corridor and stopped in front of his door, but of course this room held no significance to any of them. Last year this had been Taguchi's room.
His hands were sweaty as he opened the door and he took a deep breath as he entered, but when he looked around it was just a room, a typical hotel room, probably exactly the same as all the others. He didn't know what he'd expected exactly, it had been over a year since he'd been in this room, hundreds of people had probably used it since, so he didn't know why he expected it to hold any memories of his last visit. What confused him more though was why it hurt him so badly that it didn't.
He left his suitcase in the middle of the room and walked over to the bed, sinking down onto it and running his palm softly over the sheets as though he expected to still feel the warmth of their bodies against them, but there was nothing. He felt so empty that he wanted to cry.
He couldn't say how long he sat there, staring unseeing at the white expanse of the bed, but in time, a gentle knock came at his door. His heart leapt in his chest and his pulse ran a little too fast as he darted to the door.
But the hope drained from his limbs when he opened the door to find Kame standing there “We're all ready to go when you are.” Kame muttered quietly and then he called back “We'll be waiting in the lobby” as he made his way down the corridor.
Ueda closed the door, and leant against it for a few minutes, taking deep breaths to calm him as tears prickled behind his eyes, but he knew there was no time for a break-down now, and so he rushed into his en-suite bathroom and washed his face before heading down to meet the others.
Thankfully, the busy schedule they had of running through the rehearsal, and learning the revisions, then grabbing a quick bite to eat from the catering staff before the concert, kept his mind and body both busy enough to keep him distracted. They went out to eat after the show too, but then as they returned to the hotel each of the others bade their goodnights with tired yawns, and too soon Ueda found himself back in the empty room again.
He tried to push all thoughts from his mind as he readied for bed and climbed under the covers, but as he lay awake, the memories came back. First the memories of this hotel, the first night they'd shared in the double room, and then the night in this one, the way he'd felt a little grossed out as he'd pushed his fingers inside Taguchi for the first time.
He felt stirrings in his abdomen, heat and blood rushing down, and he bolted upright in bed. He really did not need those kinds of feelings confusing him any more right now.
He got up from the bed, dragging on a pair of sweatpants and he stuffed his key into his pocket before rushing from the room. He didn't know exactly where he was planning on going he just chose a direction and ran with it, up a small set of stairs and out onto some kind of garden-like balcony.
There were a couple of seats, and small table too with a number of ashtrays on, and that's when he understood, it was somewhere for the hotel customers to go out and smoke. At least he had it to himself for the moment so the air was pretty clear, and so he wandered over to the railing, looking out over the city as he took long, slow breaths to calm himself.
It was working, and his body was relaxing just enough to feel the night's chill, when he heard the door open behind him and as he turned, his heart froze.
“Having trouble sleeping?” Taguchi asked, his voice a mixture of humour and bitterness, but Ueda's retort was lost as arms closed around him, lingering just a little too long as they wrapped a blanket around him. “Are you still not talking to me?”
“Since when wasn't I talking to you?” he asked, and Taguchi's arms finally fell from around him as the taller man moved to stand beside him.
“I don't know...I guess things have just been too weird between us to tell if you're talking to me or not.”
Ueda thought for a moment and then shrugged “It doesn't really make a difference either way, right?”
Taguchi let out a long sigh “How did it get to this?” and Ueda couldn't help the bitter snort of laughter he let out.
“You know how it got to this...”
There was silence again for a while and Ueda shuddered, pulling the blanket closer around him.
When Taguchi spoke again his voice was low and quiet. “I didn't want things to turn out like this...I miss you Tatsuya...” His breath caught in his throat, and suddenly the air was too thick to breathe. “And it's not just...it's not even that. I just want...” but Taguchi didn't even seem to be able to finish, his sentence ending with just heavy breathing and Ueda knew he was trying not to cry.
Just knowing it brought tears to his own eyes, and he automatically reached to his chest to clutch the ring that was hanging from a chain there, the ring Taguchi had given him, and that he couldn't let go of no matter how hard he tried.
It had felt like the world was crashing down on him that first day Taguchi came to work, his fingers free of jewellery, and his first instinct had been to run away and hide, but he'd kept it inside until their lunch break, until he couldn't hold it any more and he'd rushed to the rest room to break down. He'd been so hurt and angry that he wanted nothing more than to rip his own ring from his finger and throw it as hard as he could from the window, but even in his desperation he'd known how much he would regret that, and so instead he'd hidden it in his pocket for the rest of the day and then attached it to a long chain to wear around his neck.
He clutched at it tightly as he inhaled the harsh night air, but it caught him off guard when Taguchi took hold of his shoulder and spun him round to face him. Eyes travelled down his chest, landing on the hand clenched around his ring just as Taguchi's hand came up to peel his hand away from it.
When Taguchi saw it, he gave out a sound somewhere between a gasp and sob, and the tears finally overflowed. “Baby, I'm so sorry...” but his voice caught again as he captured the ring in his own hand, squeezing it as though it would give him strength, the way Ueda did.
He looked back up to Taguchi's face, almost distraught looking, and when their eyes met he let them linger only long enough to notice Taguchi begin to lean in.
“Don't” he said sharply, placing his own hand on Taguchi's chest to push him away gently as he leaned away himself.
Taguchi's expression was desperate “Tatsuya, I can't take it any more...” and Ueda remained still as he leant in closer again, not rejecting him as the taller man placed gentle kisses across his face, one hand coming up to cup his cheek. “I need you...”
With the other hand Taguchi took hold of Ueda's waist, pulling him closer until their bodies connected, and Ueda's senses came back to him.
“Stop” Ueda breathed out harshly “Stop it Taguchi, let me go.”
Taguchi's face fell and scrunched up as though the statement had caused him physical pain “Baby...”
“You know what your problem is?” he muttered as he pushed Taguchi away “You're selfish.”
It clearly wasn't what Taguchi had been expecting. “I'm selfish?”
“Yes, you've barely spoken to me in months and now here you are, all soft words and gentle kisses, expecting me to do who knows what, because you're sad and you 'need me'. Well what about what I need? I don't need you confusing me like this, using me whenever the mood takes you...do you even have any idea how that makes me feel?”
“But...” Taguchi started, but Ueda cut him off.
“Or what about that poor girl you're fucking while you prance around boasting about how much you don't care about her? Have you bothered to stop and consider how she feels when you're using her to get whatever you need...”
The hurt on Taguchi's face was beginning to turn to anger “You're one to talk...” he started as he took a step back “This whole thing is your fault anyway...if you hadn't used me that night then nothing would have even started and both of us would probably be happy now!”
“My fault?” Ueda almost snarled back “I'll admit it was my fault the first time, but after that I said I didn't want to do it any more...you were the one that convinced me it would be ok...you're the one that kept things going.”
“Yeah, cause you took much convincing...it's not like I forced you to do anything...I didn't pin you down and force your cock...”
His sentence was cut off by a quiet cough behind them, and they both turned to see Kame by the door, his cigarettes held up in explanation.
Ueda turned and stormed his way past Kame, turning just in time to see Kame stopping Taguchi from doing the same. And then he felt a sharp pang of jealousy as Taguchi burst into tears and was pulled into Kame's arms.
He turned away, refusing to let his heart feel for Taguchi right now, how dare that idiot act like he still cares about him.
Instead he returned to his room alone, where he allowed himself to finally give in, and tears rolled down his cheeks as he traced his fingertips over the tingling spots of skin that Taguchi's lips had touched.
I'm really excited about posting Baby Blue again :D I finally caught up to where I was before losing everything, and I'm excited to get the rest written, it's looking like there'll be around 6 more chapters after this one :) Hang in there guys...we're nearly there :D
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2012-10-06 08:11 pm (UTC)I mean I kinda can understand Junno...but still. He was such a jerk, he totally deserves such treating...
I'm totally happy for you that you finally managed to catch up!!
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2012-10-06 09:55 pm (UTC)Thank you :D Now that I have the hurdle of getting caught up out of the way, I can start fully enjoying writing this again :) And thank you for your comment :D
~
Date: 2012-10-06 08:39 pm (UTC)*sobs* You know I was no where near crying while reading this? I actually thought it'll be an okay chapter but then when Junno said this out of nowhere I just happened to burst into hysterical tears. Oh god you know how I feel about Junno calling him baby T.T
But I actually liked this chapter. It kind of resolved things, I'm really glad that they got to talk it through and I'm surprised to say this but I'm glad they didn't kiss and hook up at this point. Ueda's right, Junno was being selfish and he shouldn't deserve to get him back in his arms that easily >_< (I'm surprised he has some sympathy for that bitch though >.< but I'm glad he's rational enough that way)
I really hope at this point Kame will talk it through with Junno. Really this guy needs to do some self-reflection! I'm not sure if this was the big part you were waiting for...but if you have anything further planned then that still scares me.
I don't know...after seeing Junno's reaction to Ueda rejecting him I'm really doubting him...he seriously needs to change if he wants Ueda. Ooh I wonder if he'll start from scratch and try to prove to Ueda that he really loves him?? (Step one would be to dump that stupid girl please ._.) Okay my brain's going into overdrive after all that crying but I'm really happy you caught up with writing =D
Hmm a little question about the next part? Will it be on a happier note or is it still full of angst? (I know I'll probably have to wait for my answer but I don't mind ^^)
Anyway thanks for the update as usual~ *hugs*
Re: ~
Date: 2012-10-06 10:30 pm (UTC)And actually...I'm going to do it again very soon. I'm really glad you liked this chapter, and got that 'finally resolving things' feeling, that's what I really hoped you guys would get from it :D But this wasn't the big thing that I had planned...have you heard the phrase 'The calm before the storm'? >_< Things are about to get pretty stormy around here...
I'm afraid there is just a couple more chapters to get through before things will turn around...hang in there though :) If I've managed to write it well enough the next few chapters should be an interesting roller-coaster ride.
Thank you for reading and commenting ♥
Re: ~
Date: 2012-10-07 03:06 pm (UTC)*cries* Now I'll be thinking every angsty moment after this is targeted at me T.T *feels victimized*
But because of this, I have a few suspicions on what might happen next so all I can do is prepare for the storm >_< *brings raincoat*
I really do hope the next part will be sunnier and happier though >w< but still...I'll be ready for the roller coaster ride *w*
Re: ~
Date: 2012-10-07 06:43 pm (UTC)Hang in there...the good thing about storms is that there's usually rainbows after them right?
no subject
Date: 2012-10-06 10:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-07 06:45 pm (UTC)Things are pretty messed up right now between them, and though they're both as much to blame as the other, they're really just wound up with each other I think, and looking for excuses to accuse each other of stuff :(
Thank you for your comment :D
no subject
Date: 2012-10-06 11:01 pm (UTC)First Tatchan's feelings of emptiness, because the room should wake memories which it doesn't, then the romantic moment between JunDa (THE RING!!! T-T) and the fight! I can't even begin to describe how perfect this all is!
But I'm glad Tatchan keeps his cool and doesn't give in. At least he's trying to get over it although it's impossible. And he is damn right about Junno being selfish! Although it's just his way of dealing with the situation.
Kame comforting Junno is so sweet! But poor Tatchan has to cry alone...
Congrats that you caught up with writing! ^^ But only six more chapters seems so less, I don't want Baby Blue to end! :o (Btw, since you posted that short clip I'm listening to that song a bit too often... XD)
no subject
Date: 2012-10-07 12:14 am (UTC)Things are about to heat up around here :D I think you might like the next few chapters...there's quite a bit of angst to come :D
I'm still planning on writing another part if everyone still wants it :) so don't be too worried about it ending too soon :) I just hope people aren't bored of it yet >_<
You like the song too? ^__^ It's really one of my favourite songs ever ♥ The original is by Tokio, if you want the full version of it I can upload it for you? It's not quite as good as the KT/NEWS version though. I ripped the audio from the KT/NEWS version too, so if you want that and haven't ripped it yourself I can give you that :)
no subject
Date: 2012-10-09 05:59 pm (UTC)Why am I so blind to see your comment only now?I don't think there's any chance anyone is going to get bored with JunDa in the near future, so don't you worry about that! If you still have the ideas for this story, I'm sure a lot of people are going to be happy if you keep writing it! ^^ Although I'm still hoping for Half Awake and Half a World Away, lol.
I love it so much! ♥ Since I don't know how to rip the audio of a video I only listen to it while watching the vid. ^~^' Not that I mind much, ChibiKAT-TUN are adorable! I didn't know the original is from TOKIO, now I'm curious! If you don't mind, I'd be happy if you share the MP3s! ^v^
no subject
Date: 2012-10-09 07:08 pm (UTC)Chibi!KAT-TUN really are adorable, but video is a bit of a pain if you want to listen to it on like an mp3 player or something...
Here's the mp3 of the KT/NEWS version, I didn't manage to cut it quite so well so there's maybe a sentence or two of Junno talking before the song starts, I hope that's not too distracting for you: http://www.mediafire.com/?xfnxahf939yrjmp
And here's the original by TOKIO, like I said before I prefer the way KT/NEWS sing it, but at least here you get the full song:
http://www.mediafire.com/?74gng79u7o0cqct
(Let me know if there's something wrong with the links/they won't work or something and I'll try a different site, for some reason MF occasionally decides not to upload stuff properly for me!)
no subject
Date: 2012-10-09 07:42 pm (UTC)Right, for an MP3 player a video is a hindrance. Currently I don't have one (my mobile is supposed to be but it doesn't want to...), but around next month I will hopefully have a new one and then I definitely will put that song on!
Thanks so much for sharing both versions! At first TOKIO's original was a bit strange, but after getting used to Nagase being the one singing it, I quite like it. Although no-one can beat KAT-TUN! ;)
no subject
Date: 2012-10-10 07:37 am (UTC)No problem :D I'm really happy you like the song! Yeah, I'm not to familiar with TOKIO, but it's an incredible song so I just really wanted it :D
no subject
Date: 2012-10-07 01:03 am (UTC)1. It's like you've taken us around a whole cycle... back to the beginning.
2. They finally interacted. I love the lil fluff here (naturally) but I appreciate the angst too... makes everything more adult and realistic.
3. As much as I want to force their heads together to kiss and forget all their angst, I'm glad Tatsuya won over his urge here.... he's really thinking without letting his heart decide... as it should be.
4. Junno is selfish indeed... he's with the girl for his own good all the other times when he used to run back to Tatsuya because he couldn't handle the loneliness.
5. But I really don't blame Junno for taking 'advantage'... I really don't think he's using her since she's the one forcing it all with full understanding of the situation... he's just taking the offer.
6. But I'm still happy with Junno's lil breakdown here. It makes me happy knowing he's just as hurt and lost as Tatsuya.
7. But this 'selfishness' of Taguchi goes to show that as much as Tatsuya is all torn, Taguchi is actually the weaker one... him always needing someone to comfort him.
8. It makes me wonder which one to feel the most sorry for... but they've both fallen face flat in a way... so I can't help feeling sorry for both.
9. But all hope isn't lost.
10. Bonus for Kame ^^
11. Congrats on catching up with your writing :-)
no subject
Date: 2012-10-07 06:31 pm (UTC)I'm glad you liked the chapter, and that it felt like coming full circle, I'd kind of hoped that people would get that from it, and kind of a feeling of things finally starting to be resolved...but to quote what I said to pan-chan, are you familiar with the phrase 'The calm before the storm'?
We're finally getting to the big action of this part :) So hang in there for a few more chapters :D
I really liked what you said for 7. too, I've been concentrating so much on what's going on with Ueda, so I wanted to try and show that Junno is suffering too, maybe even more so.
Thank you for always reading and commenting :D You know how much your support means to me ♥
no subject
Date: 2012-10-07 05:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-07 06:34 pm (UTC)Things are about to get pretty serious :) So I hope it will keep up with your expectations :D
I'm almost finished writing this part now, just the kind of concluding chapters to go :)
Thank you for always reading and commenting :D
no subject
Date: 2012-10-07 06:15 am (UTC)I was so close to ramming my head against the wall in stress.I'm glad they are finally talking about the entire issue - from the start till now. The talk came way too late though! I absolutely absolutely absolutely agree with Ueda's point of view ==" Taguchi has been a total jerk about this entire ordeal. I mean, Tatsuya had the will to push his co-actor away once so why couldn't Taguchi do it as well? >__< Taguchi deserves the cold shoulder!
I thought Koki and Kame would grab a smoke together so JunDa can both be comforted by separate people and possibly get different opinions but I guess Ueda is by himself for this one D:
And three cheers to you finally catching up to whatever you have lost ~ \o/
no subject
Date: 2012-10-07 06:39 pm (UTC)Taguchi really has been acting like a jerk, and I'm glad you agree with Ueda's point of view...lets just hope he remembers his own words >_<
I felt kinda bad leaving Ueda on his own for this one, but I thought it was about time Taguchi was the one getting a little support for a change :(
And yay, I'm finally caught up :D Just a few more chapters to go and then I'm finished writing this part :)
Thank you for your comment :D
no subject
Date: 2012-10-07 11:00 am (UTC)hehe told you =P
such nicely done
cant wait for the next chapter =)
no subject
Date: 2012-10-07 06:40 pm (UTC)I hope the rest of the chapters live up to your expectations too :D
no subject
Date: 2012-10-08 02:34 pm (UTC)