[multichapter] baby blue: part 5: chapter 25

[thesecretdoor]

Title: Baby Blue: Part 5: Chapter 25
Pairing: JunDa
Rating: R
Word Count: 1137
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, and only the words are mine.
Summary: They knew that moving forward would be hard, but with each hurdle the happiness they deserve seems further and further away.
A/N: I'd like to dedicate this chapter as a late birthday gift to tat_fan_luv without whose continued support has given me so much motivation. Thank you! I hope you had an awesome birthday!

October 25^th

He blinked quickly, opening his eyes was worse than clenching them closed. With his eyes closed images of Ueda flitted across the backs of his eyelids, threatening another flood of guilt and questioning, but if he kept his eyes open he could see her bouncing atop him, her breasts jiggling with each rock of her hips. The eyes were worse, when their eyes met it was like a slap across the face, a gut wrenching feeling of wrong, just like the wrong feeling of her body around him. The slackness, the moisture, all of it disgusting and unappealing and Taguchi tried to force the feelings away before she felt it.

Too late. “Would it be easier for you if I faced the other way?” Mayuko asked, her voice almost embarrassed as she clearly felt his erection fading once again. “You could do me doggy style...that used to work before right?”

Taguchi thought back to that time, to the first time he'd taken her that way, how his mind had been full of desperation and longing, need for Ueda. He thought how every time after that he'd taken her the same way, burying his head in the back of her neck keeping his mind carefully blank so that his feelings for Ueda didn't take over him again, drag him down.

He felt the old shame washing through him and he shook his head. He couldn't do it, not like that, not as many times as it took. He didn't know how many times he'd slept with Mayuko back then, and how even though they hadn't been trying either way, he'd never gotten her pregnant. There was just no way to know how long it would take, how many unbearable times he'd sleep with her before they got what they wanted, if they got it.

“Guch...” Mayuko said softly, letting his flaccid cock slide out of her. “You don't want to sleep with me do you?”

She looked a little disappointed but not terribly hurt, Mayuko was always understanding beyond what he deserved. “No.” he admitted.

With a conceding sigh, she swung her leg back over him and moved to sit beside him as he shuffled up to rest against the headrest. “Then why did you agree to this?” she asked.

“Tatsuya...” Taguchi answered though he knew it wasn't an explanation. “We fight...a lot...or maybe not a lot but we have big fights...things aren't easy for us.” It sounded lame even to his own ears, everyone has troubles, he knows that. “I've done so many things to hurt him and yet he still wants to be with me...he married me...” Mayuko looked surprised but Taguchi pushed on before she could comment. “I will do everything within my power to make sure he doesn't regret it...and he wants a child.”

“Do you?”

“Of course I do” Taguchi half snapped but when Mayuko just continued to look at him expectantly, knowingly maybe, he shook his head lightly. “Not like this. I don't want to sleep with anyone else, I thought if it was you then I could, that maybe it would be OK...but...”

“I like you...Guchi, I really like you, and yeah I would love to have sex with you as many times as it takes to produce a child and yeah I would love to have a child with you. But...I won't, I won't unless you're certain it's what you want.”

Taguchi let his head fall into his hands, he couldn't think straight, there were too many thoughts spinning round, too many feelings mixed with old memories and all of it piling up, making his head ache and his eyes sting. “I don't know what I want...”

Mayuko's hand brushed the back of his head softly. “Go home, talk to Tatsuya. Take as long as you need to figure things out and when you have, I'll be there if you need me.”

Taguchi nodded and dressed in silence, muttering only a quiet, but genuine 'Thank you' before letting himself out of the room. He knew that Ueda would know he hadn't done it, he was home far too early, so he steeled himself for his explanation as he let himself back into Ueda's apartment.

“You're home early.” Ueda said almost suspiciously as Taguchi knew he would.

“Baby...”Taguchi started. “I'm so sorry...I couldn't...I...”

Ueda's eye narrowed a little. “When can you try again? How long is Mayuko here for?”

Taguchi was caught off guard a little. “I don't...know...Tatsuya...what I'm trying to say is that I can't do it...”

Ueda's expression looked half frustrated half disbelieving. “What do you mean? Junno...you just have to fuck her, you don't have to like her...”

“It's not as simple as that...” Taguchi argued.

“How?!” Ueda countered, his voice rising a little. “You've fucked her before.”

“It doesn't feel right...even just kissing her when I'm with you...I love you”

“You loved me when you were fucking her before didn't you?”

“Yes.” Taguchi agreed. “And maybe that's something to do with it. When I try, everything feels wrong, it feels like before...I was so miserable back then...trying to be with her like that again...”

“But it's not like that any more...this is completely different...you're doing it for us...”

“I don't think I can.” Taguchi said, defeated. “My head is so mixed up...I don't know if I'm even OK with this..so right now I just can't...”

“Junno.” Ueda said, his voice angry but pleading. “Just think of what we're getting out of this though...we could have a child, our own child Junno and you just have to fuck her a few times...afterwards it'll seem like nothing...just a few quick fucks...”

Taguchi snapped. “I said it's not as simple as that!”

“How is it not?” Ueda shouted back.

“If you think it's that simple then you do it!”

Ueda gave an unamused snort. “With Mayuko?”

“With anyone...go to a bar and fuck some random sluts...it's just a few quick fucks right?”

Ueda glared at him but didn't answer for a few moments, when he did his voice was quiet, colder. “If that's what it's going to take then I'll do it...”

Taguchi opened his mouth to retort but there was nothing he could say to that, he couldn't be sure if Ueda would, if Ueda could, he remembered that phone call again. “You couldn't.” he settled for.

Ueda didn't answer, just continued to look defiantly at Taguchi as he crossed the room and then slammed the door shut behind him. Taguchi wanted to call after him, to say that he hadn't meant it, but part of him was sure that Ueda wouldn't anyway and that part of him wanted Ueda to understand. Before he could make the decision, the front door of Ueda's apartment slammed closed and Taguchi slumped down into the nearest armchair with a sigh.

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So it's getting angsty in here. Just a few more chapters left (which makes me feel like I've kind of rushed the ending, hhmmm) but I'm happy that I'm so close to finishing! Thanks again to anyone out there still keeping up!!!

Comments

[tat-fan-luv.livejournal.com]

Aww thank you for the dedication! It was so sweet! I think the last chapter you dedicated to me had a similar scene between Junno and Mayuko if I remember correctly lol. And I'm sorry for not commenting on the previous chapter. A few things became piled up for me in real life and I forgot. But I loved that one too. I really don't want this to end but I know it has to. And you know if you write anymore stories I look forward to them and plan on reading them.

[thesecretdoor.livejournal.com]

Sorry you always get stuck with Mayuko chapters :P She really did turn into a bigger part than initially intended >_<

I'm glad you liked last chapter too :) comments aren't necessary at all, but I must say I was relieved to see you're still here >_< I do really mean it when I say how much your continued support has motivated me!!

There definitely won't be any more parts to Baby Blue...the only thing worse than a series ending is it being dragged on way too long! I know I'm terrible at letting things go though, so there may be Baby Blue related drabbles/oneshots sometime in the future. I also have plans to start posting my other JunDa multi-chapters once Baby Blue is done :D

[tat-fan-luv.livejournal.com]

Don't take this the wrong way please, but a part of me is glad it's ending though. The way I see it the best series need to have an ending. If they're just dragged out the fans and readers or viewers (if it's a tv series)will only think it's being continued to for the attention of the creator now. This last installment is a good place to end it because it gives us readers the chance to imagine what could happen next. You gave us the start and now we all can imagine our own ending. Whether it be good or bad. Either way I plan to support this installment to the very end like I did the others.


And I will continue to support you. We may be strangers in real life but on here I consider you a friend and a source of inspiration. And being a writer myself, inspiration and motivation are my fuel for writing, so thank you as well.